


i can still hear you saying

by riririn



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Coping, Family Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 09:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15240834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riririn/pseuds/riririn
Summary: When you really do not want to talk to someone you can be sure that they want to talk to you.Yondu had caused Peter enough issues. He would very much like to not deal with whatever issues Yondu and Stakar Ogord had had.Too bad Stakar wants answers to questions Peter does not have answers to.





	i can still hear you saying

The liquor burned in his throat, a familiar and welcome burn. Their last job had been a shitshow from the beginning to the very end, but really, that’s what tended to happen when you accepted deals from guys who wanted to talk out the details on the said deal in a shady alley behind a bar on Knowhere, even if they advertised all properly on the holonet like you were supposed to. They really should have double-checked, like Gamora had pointed out, when the guy told them the item they were supposed to recover was _a box_ and smoothly skirted around what the box contained, which everyone and their mother knew was the real deal here. Turns out, what the box contained was some weird technological snippet (Peter was a bit unclear on the details) that was supposed to make building small bombs that caused giant explosion _a lot_ easier, which was of course why some Kree fanatic wanted it _and_ was willing to pay a ridiculous amount of money for. But really, that’s what you get when you accept deals from guys who deal in back alleys of Knowhere. Nobody wanted to be associated with Kree fanatics and weapons of mass destruction, but if it made you very rich very quickly and you could do it without being named it was, to some, worth the money.

Bad luck for the shady dealer, the Guardians weren’t ones to knowingly help sell weapons of mass destruction to Kree fanatics, though to be honest, the dealer now seemed less shady and more just plain ol’ stupid, because come on, they had helped defeat the Kree on Xandar and everyone knew it. And if they had been a little less broke and a lot less desperate they would have done some basic research before setting out instead of while they were going through the jumps to the supposedly abandoned planet instead of while they were going through the jumps. Then they could have decided to think on it, probably notify the Nova Corps of the situation, wait for their assistance and only then head to the planet, which was less abandoned and more occupied by a huge fleet of unidentifiable spaceships that were after the same box and the same bounty and already trying to blast each other to space.

Peter preferred not to think about the rest. After all, he was fine, everyone else was fine, only the tip of Rocket’s tail had been singed in the mostly-under-control fire that had happened. And all this with the help of Stakar Ogord, who had been after the aforementioned snippet himself! _Stakar fucking Ogord_ , as Yondu had called him the only time Peter ever heard him say his name, had also promised to help them out if they ever needed a job that desperately again. Since Peter couldn’t figure out how to feel about getting his and the rest of the his Ravagers’ help, not to mention he didn’t know how to feel about the guy himself acting all friendly with him, he was just going to sit here, at the bar, and have a couple of shots and not think.

The list of things not to think about included, in addition to Stakar Ogord, the pain in his ribs and the slight headache that he had, and the feeling of failure due to having exposed Groot yet again to the kind of violence he had wished to avoid altogether. Peter had grown up surrounded by a feeling that violence was just under the proverbial lid, waiting for the pop to come out and rear its ugly head. He was pretty sure it had made a significant contribution to his troubles with dealing with his own emotions as an adult, and it was also something he had wished they could protect Groot from. Along with being generally nicer and not prone to answering requests for candy and bedtime stories with a harsh slap to the head and an order to toughen up and not be fucking moron. Peter had learned pretty quickly.

And okay, yeah, Yondu was also on that list of Things Not to Think About, but he’d had two shots and he knew Ogord was watching him and he felt some much like he was a kid back on Yondu’s ship that he couldn’t finish the third shot. Ogord had come to talk to him after everything calmed down, had pretty gently chided him for getting them into the mess and offered his help to their crew at large, since _you’re Yondu’s kid. Yondu was our friend once, and you’re his kid, so of course I’ll give you hand, if you ask for it,_ he had said. Peter had probably spaced out at that point, from the pain, since two or three of his ribs were broken and there had been a pretty fresh burn on his left arm, too. Or at least, that’s what he was going to blame for the long and increasingly awkward silence that had followed Ogord calling him _Yondu’s kid_. Anyway, he was definitely going to blame the pain for what he had said next because it hadn’t been true but the denial was an instinct.

Gamora had asked him about it later when she had been helping him dress his wounds.

 _Are you sure you’re okay with Ogord’s help? I don’t know what went down between him and Yondu and what Yondu told you, but you were very apprehensive earlier_ , she’d said.

 _I’m not used to hearing people call me his kid_ he’d said after a while. _I’m not used to being his kid, like, at all, even though I guess I am. And Yondu never said much at all about Ogord, just that I should watch out for him and keep out of his way ‘cause he wouldn’t help me ‘cause I was with Yondu. So I don’t… I don’t know. Rocket said that they used to be friends and that Yondu was kicked out for shuffling kids for Ego and I don’t know if he grabbed me ‘cause of some guilty conscience or kept me as a reminder of his failures ‘cause he got caught or what and I just don’t fucking know._

She’d held his hand while he was talking, and when he stopped she got up and pulled his head to rest against her stomach, stroking his hair with one hand and his back with the other. It had been calming, had taken his mind of things.

But just then, it hadn’t felt like it would be enough. _I’ll go to the bar for a bit_ , he’d said abruptly. _Do you want to come?_

She’d looked at him with something like a mix of irritation, resignation and understanding in her eyes, and told him and that someone needed to stay with Groot. So he had left alone, gone to the bar, seen Rocket and Drax and weirdly enough, Mantis too, sitting with _Stakar fucking Ogord_ , so instead of joining them he had gone to sit by the bar and downed two shots and now he didn’t want the third, he wanted to go back to the ship and talk to Gamora and listen to some tunes from the Zune.

Which was, of course, when he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Stakar Ogord. Typical, really. Don’t want to talk to someone? They surely wanna talk to you.

“Are you sure you’re alright, son?” Ogord asked. His face was friendly.

Peter’s first instinct was to tell him that he was no one’s son, least of all Ogord’s. But for once in his life his mouth didn’t work with that first instinct. Instead, he stared at Ogord kinda dumbly and just said “I’m fine. Gonna head back to the ship, now” and got up and walked to the door. He did hear the door open and close again after him, but you know how sometimes problems disappear if you ignore them long enough? He was hoping this would be the one time in his life that actually worked.

He didn’t have very high expectations, but it was worth a shot.

“Have I misunderstood something? Because I feel as if I have.”

Peter stopped and took a deep breath before turning to face him. He didn’t want to do this at all, but it was pretty clear he wouldn’t be able to outrun this conversation either. “I don’t know what you thought you understood.”

Ogord just looked baffled. “You’re Yondu’s boy, right? Now, I don’t know how he managed to do that, but that has to be why he took you in, right?”

Well great. Ogord thought he was really Yondu’s son. Just brilliant. As if Drax hadn’t been enough. “Do I look even a tiny bit Centaurian to you? No, he wasn’t my father, he just, I don’t know, took me in after my mom died.” This was going to be a disaster, he just knew it. Ogord just looked even more confused.

“How did he know your mother?” Okay, a fair question, but Peter didn’t really feel like going into the specifics.

“He didn’t. You know, I just wanna go back to the ship, so, you know, see you around.” Not the most eloquent farewell (even if Drax wasn’t influencing what came out of his mouth he _clearly_ was influencing what went through his head), but Peter was past the point of caring. He turned.

Except Ogord wasn’t having it.

“Now wait a minute. If he didn’t know your mother why would he take you in? I mean,” here he chuckled, “Yondu was a lot of things but doing good like that just wasn’t exactly his style…” Ogord’s voice lowered towards the end. When Peter looked back at him over his shoulder Ogord looked less confused and more disgusted. “Are you one of Ego’s kids? Is that why he kept you? Is that why you went to see him?” He grabbed Peter by the collar, forcing him to turn.

Peter grimaced, and just nodded. Ogord’s grip loosened a little, and he looked kind of stricken. Neither of them said anything. Eventually, Peter eased his way out of Ogord’s grip and shuffled his feet. Ogord was looking at the ground now.

“I failed you too.” He spoke so quietly Peter almost missed it. “If I had known you he took you, I would have come and taken you back to your home, I swear I would have. We… We didn’t condone what he did, shuffling you kids. It was wrong, and he should have known better. I thought I had shown him better.”

“If you had known and taken me back to Terra I’d probably be dead, Ego would have just gotten someone else to get me. Or, actually, I would probably be alive and the rest of the universe wouldn’t.” Ogord’s eyes shot up and he opened his mouth to say something but Peter raised his hands. “Look, I know Yondu took the other kids to Ego, and he killed them. That’s on Yondu too, and I guess that’s part of the reason why he never spaced me when I really got on his nerves, and boy, I made _sure_ I got on his nerves.” He could feel the hysterical laughter bubbling just beneath the surface.

Ogord’s face was blank, however. “He had to know. How could he not know?”

Peter just shook his head. “Man, I don’t know. He said, he didn’t know. He said, he said he wasn’t just gonna hand me over when he figured out what happened to the other kids. So he just, you know, kept me.”

Ogord still looked far from convinced. “What, he kept you to atone for the other kids? Why would he have taken them in the first place? He was a slave once, he should have known better, no one paid that kind of money with good intentions!” And now he was getting really pissed off, which probably wasn’t a very good sign. It wasn’t like Peter had any of the answers.

“I said, I don’t know! Look, he was pretty shitty in a lot of ways, but he saved my d’ast ass, more than once!” Which was true; Yondu had always looked out for him, bailed him out when he got himself in real trouble, always taking him in when he came back after taking off on his own for a while. In hindsight, it was pretty obvious Peter had gotten special treatment, because Yondu always let him explain himself and accepted his sometimes pretty bullshit excuses. “He was what he was, but he was there for me,” Peter finished, kind of lamely. It did seem to calm Ogord down, at least, though now he just looked sad.

“And now he’s dead, and I can’t call him out on any of his shit or ask him about any of _this_ shit, and neither can you, and we both just gotta live with that.”

“Easy to say.” Ogord looked helpless. Peter just shrugged. They were quiet for a bit.

“He was my dad, though.” Ogord looked at him. “ I’m just not really used to thinking of him like that.”

Ogord didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, and Peter didn’t really have anything to add either. After a while he mumbled a sort-of goodbye again, and started walking away. Gamora was on the ship with Groot; with any luck, the little tree would still be awake and they could read a bedtime story all together. Rocket had been doing that all week before the job, and even though he tried not to, Peter felt a little left out.

But no such luck today; when Peter peeked into the room Groot shared with Rocket the tree was already in his pot, fast asleep, clearly read-to and tucked in. Peter found Gamora in the kitchen, sitting on the table of all places, looking intently at the holopad and scrolling through something. Job offerings, probably.

“You’re back early,” was all she said, without even looking up when he stopped and leaned against the counter a few feet away. He liked seeing her like this; focused, a slight crease on her forehead.

“Wasn’t feeling it.” He didn’t offer more of a response. “If I put on some music, would you care for a dance, oh beautiful lady of the galaxy?”

That got her to look up. She smiled and the crease smoothened. “Sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Fleetwod Mac's The Chain.
> 
> Vol 2. left the details of what really happened when Stakar exiled Yondu woefully unanswered; having read many, many wonderful fics exploring it I was inspired to write something about it myself.
> 
> Reviews are much appreciated :)!


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